the sun'll come out....

Tonight, I heard "Tomorrow" originally sung by Annie and boy did it bring back so many memories. For one, I had that soundtrack on tape and I used to listen to it at the loudest possible level, in my front yard, while singing along at my highest octave. That is, until a very kind neighbor reminded me it was only 7am on a Saturday. "Although my singing was wonderful", she yelled out of her window to me, "could I please wait until later to serenade the apartment complex?". I have always loved that song, but tonight I thought to myself, "boy was that song the soundtrack of my life!" I mean, was I a fortune teller or what?

We use that word so loosely. Tomorrow we will have more money. Tomorrow, we will get together for coffee. Tomorrow, we will plan a family vacation. Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. Then 2012 hit. Like a ton of bricks. 4 deaths or 5, not sure, I think I may have lost count. Amongst other stressful things that have happened in the last 90 or so days. Now, tomorrow seems so uncertain and almost frightening to me.. But the song does say the sun will come out "Tomorrow", right? I'm beginning to wonder if the soundtrack to my life goes more like this:

All negativity aside, the sun always does come out tomorrow. granted it's not raining or snowing or if the sun is covered in clouds..then it won't..come out. I think i will listen to the song again. I am normally not a pessimist and this song that I have loved so much my whole life (especially when I was 6 and a half) just might be part of the reason why. You have to have hope that things won't always be THIS way. Tomorrow will come till it's next week, next month, next year and the things you were so worried about are all things that you overcame and made it through and then you can say this:

Also from Annie..LOL

I didn't love that movie or it's music at all did I??

THINGS I LOVE

So, this litle guy, or should I say girl makes me happy. Just a dollar, a measley dollar and I am happy to see her everyday. She sits in my car on the dash and she's solar so the sun makes her dance. It's kinda distracting but it's a dollar worth of happiness for me. 

Alex scoring goals for 14 yrs of his life, this made me happy. No real explanation needed, I mean look a his face in these shots. Just hard work and then BAM,pay off! Thanks Alex, for bringing me that joy for that long.

Rich returning home after being in harms way. Now that's happiness!

My daughter's laugh. I love to see it, hear it and giggle along with it. Enough said.

Repurposing furniture. It's kind of like scrapbooking for me, I don't think about anything else when I am redoing a piece. I just think about how great the project is going to look when it's done. Anticipation at it's finest right there. Like a kid waiting for Christmas or a mickey lover waiting to enter the gates of Disneyland.

My pets make me happy (most of the time). Here's a pic of Abbee, our rottie of 16 yrs, we had her for 12. She adopted us with a house purchase in Modesto in the year 2000. Our pets always seem to just fall into our laps somehow. She was a gentle giant. Knew how to hug like a human. RIP sweet girl

Photography. 

Yep, shooting pics, even if I am just a point and shooter. For now. I will someday take a class but for now just grabbin the cam, finding a spot (sometimes stumbling upon one) and then just seeing how it goes is my thing. I'll own that, sure. Case in point: the first shot of Bailee and Kaleigh is blurry and well, boring. so the next shot I was like "act like you just won a million dollars!" and B.I.N.G.O was his NAME-O! The shot of the night!

So many things make me happy, just thought I'd share and remind myself that life has it's ups!

Thanks for reading  and please let me know what you think. Did it make you happy to read this? What makes you happy??

How did we get here?

I am not sure how this happened but here we are again kiddo, unfortunately, at odds and getting ready to say goodbye. Only this time, it's for good. We move in with family and you are going to find alternative housing. Just the other day it hit me that I actually kicked you out, that's it for us, no longer a family of four, put a fork in us, were done. I asked myself, "how did we get here?" How did I go from a paranoid mother to one that kicks her son out on the street? When did the worry about you falling after just learning how to walk, the trips that felt so annoying to the store cuz I had to strap you in and out of the car seat, the fun trips away for soccer, the family dinners together stop and  become replaced with arguments about what you are doing to yourself and how the choices you are making affect the family become normal conversation? I think this is what hurts the most.

I remember when I was pregnant with you driving by a huge house in the country with an iron gate and telling your Dad that I wanted to live behind a safe gate like that. He thought it was ridiculous of course, and as usual I was labeled paranoid and we argued, him saying that you can't live your life in fear and me making my point that nothing will EVER be too safe for my future children! I still feel that way and I  worry that 11 days from now you will be on the street and you act like you have not a care in the world about it.

Life used to be really good. So good in fact,  that I felt guilty all the time and sad for the people that weren't as happy as we were. I look back at pictures and can see it in our smiles and I remember how I felt. The times that weren't so great, I can see in pictures too. Those pictures are very hard to look at or scrapbook. I think I have skipped some just because they made me so sad to look at them.

There are days that I think to myself, what a wonderful world...no sorry..whenever I say or type something that sounds like lyrics to a song, I can't help but finish the sentence with the rest of that song. I also can't create a blog post without trying to make someone laugh. Anyway, once we get past all of this conflict and arguing with you, there's no doubt in my mind that we can like each other again. I believe that someday in the future we will again be the picture of a family to be jealous of. At least, that's what I wish for the most.